The Love of a Father

Sometimes it's not easy being a father. Our children imitate what they've learned from us -- both the good examples, and unfortunately, the bad.  We try to pass on the wisdom we've learned by experience -- to help them avoid the same pitfalls that we've fallen into ourselves -- but often see them following the same paths.  We try to discipline but often exercise it imperfectly.

We all have our regrets as fathers -- our guilt, our shame, our wounded pride.  As creatures modeled after our Creator we’re given the great gifts of memory and reason. And of course, free will.  Unfortunately, due to our fallen nature, it’s that last gift that gets us into trouble at times.  So He’s given us the sacrament of reconciliation to free us from that awesome weight of sin.  But the effects of our sin remain, and one of the effects of a sin forgiven is a memory that haunts us, sometimes for years.  To our benefit we’re told that our loving Father in heaven not only forgives, but forgets our sins, too.

What follows is a poem written by an inmate -- a father to his children.

“Sorry”

A Lifers Thoughts and Words

I’m sorry for all the years of your life I missed “And Counting"
I wanted to be there to put you to bed,
to play sports with both of you,
to take you to your first dance,
and to see you win your first trophy...
Please forgive me for never being able to experience such things,
what its like to watch you grow year after year,
or to be able to attend your graduation...
Please forgive me for never holding your hand close to my chest,
and for not being there when you were ill.
The mere thought of such a scene suddenly becomes clear to me,
my mind is void to me of such memories,
memories I cannot reminisce of,
the bliss which I otherwise would have known.
Yet I find it hard for me to understand,
How, how could I have allowed myself to fail as a man in test,
Known to the world as Fatherhood...
I question many reasons, the answer to this question,
can it be found under the lump in my throat,
by the endless overflow of my bitter tears,
tears streaming down my face leaving a shameful trace
a trace of those lost years...
Nevertheless, I realize that mere words will never be sufficient enough
to address these feelings buried in the past tense,
perhaps in my vain attempt my daughters to mend your wounds
I am found to be nothing more than a hollow tomb...
As long as I live I shall never lose hope for us to be together again;
For I Sincerely Love You My Daughters,
and as I go on with my life I promise I will be back,
back in your lives again forever.
After All I am Your Father and You Are My Daughters...

I LOVE YOU AND I AM SO–SO SORRY!
A LIFERS DREAM TO COME HOME SOME DAY
I’M SO SORRY! WILL THIS EVER END?

John K. AF7625
SCI Huntingdon
1100 Pike St.
Huntingdon, PA 16654-1112

We all have regrets, for we are all sinners, but from this knowledge we draw our hope; for Christ came not to call the righteous, but sinners.  It is in our recognition of this truth -- our need for repentance -- that is our first step in conversion and which unites us more closely to Him.

Let's pray today for all fathers -- for those who are able to hold their children close, and for those who for whatever reason are separated from them.  May our Father in heaven bless our families.

(This poem was used by permission from the collection: Words from the Inside by the Mary Mother of Captives prison pen-pal ministry.)